Monday, December 27, 2010


Fortunately it isn’t that yet. Else you wouldn’t be reading it. Or would you still be? If you ask me- quite frankly, I don’t know yet. But there’s something else that I know. There are people who’ve written their own obituaries. Oh, it’s nothing wrong, just a matter of personal choice. And that doesn’t change the fact that even the ones that painstakingly write it themselves never get to read it.

Alright. I can understand. Any more of this is termed socially unacceptable for discussion. Reactions can range anywhere from plain annoying to morbidly depressing; depending on the intensity of necrophobia. In case, you’re wondering what the heck it means, smile and say a little prayer. Hallelujah! There’s Internet. And there’s an answer for every question. Well, almost.

When I say almost, I’m saying that because there are scores of people who use the Internet without knowing the purpose of doing so. Given that all human pursuits are motivated by the need for attention, let’s say this one’s none different from dressing up for a pub outing. At least you know what to wear. And you’re smart enough not to wear it to work the next day. If even by mistake you do, you know what they’ll call you.

See this works just as much brilliantly when you draw a parallel with social networking. LinkedIn is like attending a business conference. Make sure you’re Mr. Prim’N’Proper. And keep that plastic smile ready, you’ll need it any moment. Orkut is like a little village. Anyone visits anyone and everyone knows. As for Twitter, I still haven’t figured what it can do. For that matter I wonder even if the blokes at Twitter have figured it out themselves.

Now coming to the hot chick that’s got everyone’s got the hots for! Facebook!! You’ll find your boss, his pet poodle, his mother-in-law or even your mother-in-law on your friend list, it’s perfectly fine. Just like bumping into your uncle in a whorehouse. There’s nothing embarrassing about it. He didn’t land up there to change the light bulb.

Don’t take it to your heart. Facebook aint all that bad. Actually it’s like hanging out with friends or family. You just have to be real. You don’t “Hello Mister George, how have you been?” your friends, do you? In case you do, then stream some Heineken and Budweiser advertisements on YouTube and watch them over a nice cold beer. Nice reference, heh.

When with friends, you call a spade a spade. Sometimes things can get a little boisterous and you could even shove a spade into someone else’s bottom. Darn! Boys will be boys. (Oh boy! This is getting chauvinistic).

So if you’ve cared to read all the way down here and still cling on to your point of view. Amen. May peace and good sense prevail. Don’t worry I am not going to molest you into acceptance. I am telling this because I don’t want you to look like a powdered baboon on that photo.

Make peace with yourself. Make fun of yourself. Poke fun at those around you. Never spare a moment of liveliness. It’s harmless and best of all it can improve your libido. Again if you’re asking how, Google it.

Now if you got a minute: I get paid to write about pressure cookers, windmills, industrial machinery and so many other boring things that no one cares to know. Real estate pays my rent, prepaid cards pay my bills and health care takes care of my family. While I am paid to write a whole lot, I get my joys from writing stuff that I don’t get paid for. So this one of them.


Hauntingcontradiction said...

Ha ha ! Totally agree with you on the FB bit...its like travelling in a crowded Mumbai train and crying for getting groped ...if you cant take the heat ..leave the kitchen, i say !

kaushik said...

Totally love the train bit. Electric.